Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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