Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
