When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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