Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Randomize
