this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
