It's Friday. Sex?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
