Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
