WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
