and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
