im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
