I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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