I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
