well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
