Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
