We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
