just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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