When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
