Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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