I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
