so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
