Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
