It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She needs sedatives and a leash
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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