She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
