Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Still dying that you shit outside
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
