Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
