My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
