I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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