This is not my ceiling
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
