Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
