I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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