Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
