he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
