She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
