I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
