Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
