Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
