Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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