"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
