I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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