Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
