drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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