yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
