I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Also, beer. Big fan.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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