my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
