you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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