so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
