I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
