in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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