My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am naked and annoyed.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
