aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
